1. Relatedness: High school teens need to have close family relationships and friendships. In addition, high school teens need to learn how to relate to members of the opposite sex. They also need to develop love for their community.
2. Competency: Teens need to develop many skills. They need to believe they CAN succeed as adults.
3. Autonomy: Teens need autonomy. The right amount of autonomy allows a teen to practice being an adult under the mentorship of his parents.
How do I know how much autonomy to give my high schooler? Teens need enough freedom to allow them to practice making good choices. Knowing how much autonomy to give your high schooler also depends on a parenting skill called responsivenss.
Responsiveness means being sensitive to your teen's needs and desires both expressed and unexpressed. Responsiveness depends on empathy. Empathy is part of a parent's Ability to Love. Many things in our lives decrease our Ability to Love our teens. For parenting advice and to learn how to maximize your own Responsiveness and Ability to Love see The Parent's Well-Being Workbook.